i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
When did we stop having imaginations?
I guess I never really believed in imaginary lands (other than heaven and hell). My mother was too realistic with me. I think that really is the only effect I’ve had from not having a father growing up. I grew up too quickly. If I ever have children I will try my best to let their imaginations run free.
I did this for me and me alone so fuck you if you have something bad to say.
I have a cold. I’m tired. I’m letting my thoughts get to me. I’m missing you.
People say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Part of me agrees. The other part of me says that’s bullshit. I’ve spent way too long wanting something that I will never fully be able to grasp. I’m not saying the person isn’t worth it, he is worth every second, but seeing as how he will never give me closure I will continue to hope and be let down until he just stops coming back. It isn’t healthy for me to be in this position, but frankly, I don’t care.
The truth is: I am strong. I am weak. I am smart. I am stupid. I am crazy. I am sane. I am happy. I am sad. I am human.
I have off-days like any other person on the planet. I only consider mine to be the days I feel nostalgic of past things. Any other day is just another day with a different attitude towards the events of that day. I never get grouchy or furious or anything, so I’m alright with feeling this way every once in a while. I guess you can’t be happy all the time. Things may be taking a turn in my life, though. We’ll see what pans out. Everything has been a teeter-totter the past couple months.
So the face-to-face interview went well, I think. I will find out in 7-10 days.
The air was crisp and cold today. It felt nice. Almost painful, but in a good way. The cold took me by surprise when it finally hit, but I’m embracing it now. I need to get a pea coat and more womanly attire. If I get this job I definitely won’t be able to slop myself together everyday, but that’s probably a good thing.
Feeling kind of strange today, but not at the same time. I think my body is trying to feel nostalgic, but I’m not letting myself for the most-part, which is a plus. I need to be free.
I’m not sure how I feel about life lately. I feel like I’m doing well, and I am, but sometimes I feel like I’m just ignoring and distracting myself. Life is nothing but distractions, but at the same time I feel like it should feel better than this. Maybe I just shouldn’t overthink everything? Probably. That’s a rather difficult task to accomplish, though.
One good thing: I passed the phone interview for Enterprise today. Face-to-face interview tomorrow at 1! Hopefully I get the job. I’m confident enough in my work ethic.
I love you because you make me feel free. Like I’m a kid again, but still grown up. Like I can run around wailing and you would join me. That’s why.
